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Jordan Heron - The Vanity Card Series

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Google needs a new feature.

So, I was sitting here, wondering what to type. I mean, what's in the news? Or what's in my head?

Well, the upcoming municipal elections bore me. Yeah, yeah, it's important, democracy, blah, blah. But I don't vote in a major metropolis. I vote in a small town, and I don't even know the candidates, so I'll probably head to the weenie roast advertised on the one political flyer I received, and make an immediate and near-random decision there, based on whether they had plain ruffle chips to go with the BBQ or not.

They struck down a bunch of prostitution-related laws in Canada yesterday. That doesn't bore me, but it requires way too much thought to do a commentary on that. After all, the vast majority of prostitutes are probably victims of their own pimps, and that's wrong. But the laws that protect those vulnerable girls must still allow middle-aged white CEOs to pay some dominatrix to whip them because no one has the balls to stand up to them in the office, and they feel they're missing something. And for those who object on grounds of morality - screw off! It's none of your damned business what consenting adults do, even if money does change hands.

Anyway, I digress... Not knowing what to talk about, I went to Google and hit the "I Feel Lucky" button. I'd seen the button many times, sitting there, quietly tempting me with all the spontaneity of living life on the edge of wild abandon. For some reason, I thought that button was a magical gateway that would bring up a completely random website. No, it brings up the instructions for the "I Feel Lucky" button. It took me a long time reading and pressing the button to figure it out. All it does is take you to the top web page of the search you're making, rather than giving you the list. It saves you the effort of one mouse click. Oh my gods, is that ever lame.

I was thoroghly disappointed. So, instead, I type "random" and hit the search button. Not surprisingly, even to me, I got a list of web pages about randomness. It didn't actually give me a random page.

I want a function that goes out, and of the gazillion or so web pages on the planet, picks one and puts it in my face. How about tiddlywinks? How about artificial insemination of wild donkeys? Girl-on-girl snowshoeing? Tractors of the world? (Ok, that lasts one is actually a book I bought for my partner,)

There must be a lot going on in the world that I don't know about. I need a source of inspiration, a way to find the unfindable, and it's up to Google to give it to me. After all, I wouldn't want to have to think for myself. It's just not part of our culture anymore...

29 September 2010

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