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Jordan Heron - The Vanity Card Series

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I went to a Registered Massage Therapist on Friday.

Now, it so happens that I know this woman socially, so it wasn't like I was walking into a stranger's office. In fact, that's how I got talked into it - because I DIDN'T have to walk into a stranger's office. But it WAS a move from a purely social interaction to a professional one.

The first part of the professional relationship was filling out, as all medical and pseudo-medical people require, paperwork.
"What's your medical history?
Are you likely to drop down dead in my office?
Is massaging your back likely to initiate a heart attack?"
All of the things which could go wrong and cause even more paperwork. Like, explaining that you have a corpse in your basement office. I mean, I know it's coming up to Hallowe'en and all, but still...

So, as I fill out the paperwork a thought occurs...
"Are we covered under a kind of doctor/patient privilege thing?"
"Absolutely!" comes the enthusiastic answer.
"So, I can tell you stuff, and you can't tell my wife, right?"
"Um, yeah," somewhat less enthusiastically.
"Awesome!" I say.

So, as I received absolute heavenly treatment, a full body massage, I got to stretch and relieve my mental muscles, as she (we'll just call her "Kendra" - not her real name) worked on my physical ones. Not wanting to scare off a good thing, I started slowly. I explained exactly why my big toe was broken, since it wasn't exactly what I claimed. I then went on to talk about my opinions on various people we both knew. Like I said, I started slowly.

Next visit will be better. I think I'll ratchet it up a bit. After all, this is one of the best things I've come across. You can talk to your bartender, but there's no client privilege there, so you gotta watch your words. You can talk to your priest, but then there's penance and guilt-trips. I never was keen on that part. But this is absolutely great. You just yak away about anything you want. Ease your mind.

I highly recommend massage therapy. Find an attractive therapist that likes to listen. I come out of those sessions feeling great, and about two inches taller. (I have horrible posture.) And I come out a lot happier.

True - it's more expensive than a priest. But it's cheaper than a trip to the bar (if you drink as much as I do) and does less damage to the liver.

28 October 2009

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